Well, where to start. I still love Michaela, who was my gf that i had to break up with, and God knows i love her. I had to break up with her because everything was so unfair to her. im 19, and she is 14. that is a huge gap to overcome right? I didnt think it was, but now i realize that it is a huge gap. one that im going to have to wait for it to close. i still think she is an amazing person, and im still absolutely in love with her. But Im going to college next year, and she will have to sit around, and wait for me for four years. thats a long time. She will have noone to go to dances with, and because im in college she will not be able to go with me to hers. I look ahead and i see one of us getting seriously hurt. Us being together now is like us standing under a rockslide throwing rocks at it, and i cant see her getting hurt, and i know i dont want to. I hope to god i see her again when she is 18, but right now i know i have to walk away, because it is whats best for her. it was like the hardest thing that Ive ever had to do in my entire life. When i was walking away in her house, she wouldnt let me go, and she was screming and begging me not to do it. I had to pull away, and i walked out of the house and into her garage, and when i was walking out she ran out the dorr, and grabbed onto me again. She kept screaming and pleading for me not to go. I was crying hysterically too... It broke my heart because i knew i had to do it, and i knew that i was never going to be able to look back. Im not going to see her for four years, maybe more. I may never see her again. It happened thursday, and since thursday i have only slept for 1 hour, and that was last night. Every time i close my eyes, and even sometimes when they are open i see her laying on the garage floor pleading for me to turn around and pick her up. I had to pull away from her and walk out, and drive away, listening to her screaming. Ill never forget that. I would have rather gone to jail again, for any amount of time than do that to her. I hate it. I constantly ask myself why, and My belief in God was and is shaken really bad. If he is so great and loving why, and HOW could he let things like this happen?
Am i justified in what i did? Or did i make the biggest mistake In my life?

i went to jail when i was 15. I was going through my parents splitting up, and i hated everything. This was before I became a christian. I got involved with bringing 2 guns to school, and was blamed for making a hitlist with 37 peoples names on it. I won the hitlist case and 1 of the other cases, but i was on probation with an adult felony for 4 years, which is no longer on my record since it was deferred :).. and i went to jail for 2 years for a class 2 misdimeanor.
As far as what made the breakup so hysterical for me was that I really do love her, and I knew that what i was about to do, and was doing was going to break her heart. I didnt want to do that, But i knew it was the right thing to do for her. I didnt really see things going downhill per say, but I saw one of us getting seriously hurt, and I didnt want that to happen to either of us, expesially her. Im not entirely sure what made it so hard for her, but Im pretty sure it was because she couldnt stand the thought of loosing me. i dont mean to sound egocentric, and I really want to talk with her about it, but im afraid that if i look back and talk to her about what happened im going to run back to her, and then we will be right back to where we started. She was already talking about getting married to me, and as happy as that would make me when we were older, I think 19, and 14 is a little too young to be tallking about that stuff. I feel like she is giving up so much of her life when she says that, and i dont want her to live with regrets on what she could have done or what she missed out on.

I will say this upfront: I am not good with relationships, as i haven't experience.

5 years is a big age gap when in school, but once out of school it isn't. My sister is 3 years younger than her boyfriend. They started dating when she was 16 (he was 18), and there was afew issues about time spent on school, etc... Now that she's out of school there barely seem a difference as they are both working.

I think you did the right thing, for now.
But just because you two aren't dating now, you can still be good, close friends can't you? Keep in touch, hang out in groups on the weekend?

I agree alot with what Apol. said- she needs to understand it. To her, she may not be able to see the future as objectively.

And, one thing i will chuck out there- take it or leave it, but please don't abuse me.
The way she begged you not to go, the extent to which she went, almost seems she has an unhealthy attachment, dependency on you. Which is not a good thing, and another reason for a temporary break in relationships.
Now, i don't know if that's happening inside her, but maybe.
My sister was semi-dependent on her bf for a while, if she didn't see him for 3 days she'd become all mopey & depressed. Now the role is switched, and her bf can't handle not seeing her for a week (as in, seriously can't. Not just "i wish i could.. how sad.")

14 is a young age in terms of serious relationships. There is a big maturity leap (generally speaking) between 14 and 19; in all areas. For some people, the gap may not be so big, but it often is.

But i certainly think make it clear, and see if just friends works out. Then, atleast, a significant part of her life hasn't just dropped off the face of the earth, which results in major instability.

Good luck with it, hope it works out ok.
Rest easy, knowing i support your decision.

As for why does God let this happen...? He gives free will. You can love who you want.
But when you're hurting- lean on God, he's still faithful. :)

-squee-
I love it when hard decisions turn out right x]]
I'm so happy for you!
I'll keep you in my prayers still.